When I was about 16 years old, I discovered the meaning of autism after watching an episode of Dr. Phil, where a 12 year-old, severely Down syndrome, and severely autistic boy, a couple was caring for and dealing with the bad behaviors that she was dealing with. The boy did not speak, nor was toilet trained, and he had self-injurious behavior. The mother also had thought about institutionalizing him, but the father refused, stating that institutionalizing him would not be a viable.
That said, I myself am a man with level 2 autism, formerly known as PDD-NOS, which is a cross between mild and severe autism. I was diagnosed with autism when I was five, but didn't know that I was already diagnosed when I was tested when I was 21 and again at age 27. I had to be tested as an adult in order to receive services from my State's Office for Developmental Disabilities. As a child, up until today, I had a lot of difficult things that went on, especially, when I was in school. School was terrible for me, as there was a lot of challenging behaviors;( i.e, temper tantrums, violent outbursts, repetitive rocking,etc.), some of which is I still engage in, and some of which went away. I also had trouble making friends, and trouble with the social cues.I was also bullied a lot when I was in school. I was called many names, to name a few; retard, stupid, idiot, nerd, nut case, mental case, some of which made me upset. I also found it difficult for me to find employment. I was turned away by many employers, although I was unaware of my diagnoses, and regardless of my education, volunteer work, and skills. I have been to the E.R. 4 times as a result of my behavioral issues. I had trouble getting answers, and went to several doctors. I also had trouble getting along with some of my family members as a result.
Unaware of my autism diagnosis, at first, It was diagnosed as bipolar disorder, because it was believed that it was because I had problems controlling my mood swings, but It was determined by my most recent doctors that I am not bipolar, but had in fact had an autism spectrum disorder.
I also have trouble with my Achilles tendon, which causes me to have pain with my feet if I walk on my heels, so I walk on my toes. I found out that my toe-walking is caused by my Achilles tendon flexion, which is common in many people on the autism spectrum and other neurological disorders. This also prevents me from standing more than about 20-ish minutes or so. I will do some research on more about the autism and toe walking in the future.
I may be autistic, but I also have some positive effects that I have. I am really intelligent at drawing, photography, and playing video games, I also am really good at mathematics, health, science, and social studies. I am also well at computers. I myself, would also do really good with special needs people, especially those on the autism spectrum. I want to become a behavioral therapist for special needs children that also specializes in autism treatment. I also want to become an autism advocate, so I can fight for an autistic child's rights, and get them the services they need, to live a long, and rewarding life as an adult. My most favorite movies are Rain Man, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and Silent Fall. I also like to watch documentaries on autism and other disabilities.
MY FIRST CHANCE TO HELP ANOTHER SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD.
Despite my disabilities, my grades in school were anywhere from an B- to straight A's. When I was in the 12th grade, my favorite class was aquatics, which I could take, instead of gym.
Aquatics gave me the opportunity to help children learn how to swim, including those with autism and other special needs. I enjoyed teaching the special needs children how to swim, because I liked how there was some challenges.
One time, I was assigned to a 6th grade, autistic boy, but was told that I would not be able to teach him, because my aquatics teacher thought I did not know anything about his autism, but I got upset and complained to the teacher on why I was not allowed to help him swim, but then the teacher than reassigned him to me, and I did a good job. The boy was about 11 years old, was very verbal, which he spoke really well for being in the middle of the autism spectrum, but was a little difficult to understand at times. The boy had some problems where he did not want to listen to me, when it was time to learn some of the swimming moves. I had made one mistake, when I was teaching him how to kick back, and I did not have him hold on to the edge of the pool, and I accidentally dunked him under the water. I was speechless for a minute when that happened, but when I quickly pulled him up, and asked him if he was okay, the boy said that he was OK, and understood that it was an accident, and that I did not mean it. I then, the next day voluntarily sat out and told the teacher about what happened, that she said to me to get changed an go into the pool, and continue to teach the boy. I taught myself how to be patient with the boy, and understand what he did and didn't want to do. The teacher notice that I was doing a good job, and gave me an A+ for my work with teaching the autistic boy.
That said, I thought that having the chance to work with a special needs person was a good thing, and that it was my therapy for the difficulties for my feet. I had aquatics every other day in school, but decided that I would, instead of going to study hall the days I did not have to go to aquatics, and go to aquatics and go for extra credit.
MY SHUTDOWN DURING MY FIRST SEVERAL DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL
On 11/30/12, at about 2:00 pm, on a lightly, snowy day, I was at a gas station that I'm gonna call "QC Gas Station" in Orange County, New York, when my "maternal parent" started verbally abusing me, over a set of car keys that she lost, and tried to take it out on me, and ended up leaving the gas station, and having to pull into another gas station that I'll call "GS2".
By then, me and my "maternal parent" got out of the car because of her boyfriend had to clean a spill up inside the car, (after he slam his drink and broke the cup and threw soda all over the windshield and dashboard of the car.) When both of us got out, my mother started yelling at me to tell me to get away from her; that's when I told her to put her cigarette out that she was near the gas pumps.
Then I tried to take the cigarette from her, then I tried to knock it out of her hand, and she pushed me first, then I hit her in the chest, then a lady I'll call Joanne Reed witnessed it, and I started to scream and get upset at my mother, and said to Joanne that my mother is "verbally abusive, and mean to me, and she prevents me from getting the help I need." I then started punching things, and GS2's owner came out and tried to calm me down. I explained to him that my mother was mean to me, and wasn't letting me seek help, and I told him that I had under-diagnosed issues that my mother wouldn't let me seek treatment for. Then Joanne and another Guy I will call Tim, tried to calm me down, and gave me some water, and suggested that I go to the hospital (Which my mother overheard, and said "I want him arrested".) The Town police ended up coming, and my mother tried to have me arrested, but the Town police refused, and said to my mother that she's lucky she's not being arrested herself. So they put me in the police cruiser unhand-cuffed, until the EMS came, and the police question me what happened, and Joanne suggested that I should be placed either with another family or in a group home.
When the EMS arrived, they had me walk to their ambulance. When I was walking to the ambulance, I was covering my face and ears, and was trying to remain calm, but was still agitated. The EMS then decided to take me to a hospital that I'll call OR Hospital in Orange County, NY. When I got in the ambulance, I was talking to the EMT's what happened, as the ambulance was taking the 30 minute ride to the hospital's psychiatric unit called 2 East.
When I got there, I was agitated, extremely anxious, and upset, to the point that I just became "out of it". It was approximately somewhere around 2:30 to almost 3 pm, when I arrived in the psychiatric Emergency Room. They nurse came into to my room, and talked to me about the incident, and explained what happened. They gave me some Risperdal and Celexa ( Risperidone and Citalopram to be exact ), and became calm by the time I saw the ER psychiatrist. When the psychiatrist arrive, he had asked me what the date and day of the week was, and I had answered "December 30th, 2012" instead of "November 30, 2012". I was actually disoriented about the time, and date, like I didn't even understand why the psychiatrist was asking me that. He had me write it down. I knew that it was actually December 1st, not November 30th nor December 30th, because it was actually just past 12 midnight when he saw me. Then he asked me where I was, And I answered "The Hospital". He asked me why I was there, but I was also upset at the time. I gave him a piece of paper that had "Joanne's" phone number from the gas station on it. I explained what had happened at the gas station "GS2". He then left the room, and I slept for about 50 minutes before I was shaken awake by a nurse, that explained to me that I was being admitted, and had me change into a hospital gown,( which I don't like wearing over just underwear, because I like to wear at least a pair of pants or shorts, because I wanted privacy), and all I said was "OK". I was then taken upstairs by wheelchair, because they did not want me to walk up. The guy taking me up, asked me why I was in the hospital for, but didn't wanna talk. I was first taken into the psychiatrist's office in 2 East.
One of the unit's weekend psychiatrists came in and talked to me, and knew why I was there. I started sobbing what had happened as to why I was at OR Hospital. Then my nurse came in and gave me papers with hospital rules, and unit rules, and schedules for the days I was gonna be there. Then she showed me to my room, which was a private room, like all the other rooms in the entire hospital, but was big enough to fit at least 3 patients in. From then, I went to bed, with my blanket over my face. The next morning, my nurse knocked on the door, and I uttered when she said it was time for breakfast, and brought me my clean clothes in a bag for me. I went to eat breakfast, and she brought a paper with a menu for my meals for the next day on it, so I filled it out, and give it back to the nurse, and sat down and ate my breakfast. I barely ate anything, and went back to my room, and grabbed by towel, and took a shower, and was crying at the same time.
So over the first several days of my hospital stay, I went from talking to my doctor the night I was admitted, to not wanting to talk to anyone at all. I was pretty much withdrawn, dissociated, and agitated, not making eye contact with anyone, and not even wanting to eat anything. I felt like I was shut down. I was eating so little food for the first several days, that they had to give me some Ensure with my meals.
On the third day, my nurse came into my room, and asked me if I wanted to go to music therapy in the music room. She showed me to the music room, I enter and the music therapist welcomed me. They started music therapy, and the other patients started singing, and after the second song, I said to the therapist that I had to leave. I started feeling extremely anxious, and had to go to a quiet place and went into the occupational therapy room, where people were doing crafts (coloring, painting, ping ponging, using the Wii, etc.). I was just sitting in the chair with my head down with my hands over my head, and one of the therapists asked me if I was "OK", and I started crying, sobbing that "I wish I was never born.", and said that I never had any friends. The therapist asked me if I had Asperger's syndrome. Still upset, I told her that I did not know, but knew what it was. I started become calmer, and apologized to the therapist for being upset. After I was calm, I started talking to the other patients, and the therapists, and told them what had happened. My nurse came in and asked why I was in the OT room, and not in the music room, and I told her that I could not deal with music being played at that time. The music they were playing in the music room felt like it was too loud for me, like as if I was very sensitive to the music.
The nurse and the psychiatrist talked to me after and I explained my history, and the incident that landed me up there. I also asked If I could call my father, although very emotional when I called my dad up. After a couple days, I found out I was moving upstate to go live with my dad. I actually started improving, and my shutdown was pretty much became very minimal, and I started participating in therapy and group activities during my stay. I even started making more eye contact towards the nurses and staff. The hospital even had a therapy dog that came every week I was there ( I was there for 2 full weeks.)
All what I told you in this section of my blog is what a shutdown can do to you, after you have an outburst, whether you end up in a hospital or not. This is what can happen to an autistic person after they have an outburst, whether or not they wind up in a psychiatric ward. Shutdowns can last days, or even weeks, or months. Shutdowns sometimes have to be improved by therapy in order to suppress them.
That said, I myself am a man with level 2 autism, formerly known as PDD-NOS, which is a cross between mild and severe autism. I was diagnosed with autism when I was five, but didn't know that I was already diagnosed when I was tested when I was 21 and again at age 27. I had to be tested as an adult in order to receive services from my State's Office for Developmental Disabilities. As a child, up until today, I had a lot of difficult things that went on, especially, when I was in school. School was terrible for me, as there was a lot of challenging behaviors;( i.e, temper tantrums, violent outbursts, repetitive rocking,etc.), some of which is I still engage in, and some of which went away. I also had trouble making friends, and trouble with the social cues.I was also bullied a lot when I was in school. I was called many names, to name a few; retard, stupid, idiot, nerd, nut case, mental case, some of which made me upset. I also found it difficult for me to find employment. I was turned away by many employers, although I was unaware of my diagnoses, and regardless of my education, volunteer work, and skills. I have been to the E.R. 4 times as a result of my behavioral issues. I had trouble getting answers, and went to several doctors. I also had trouble getting along with some of my family members as a result.
Unaware of my autism diagnosis, at first, It was diagnosed as bipolar disorder, because it was believed that it was because I had problems controlling my mood swings, but It was determined by my most recent doctors that I am not bipolar, but had in fact had an autism spectrum disorder.
I also have trouble with my Achilles tendon, which causes me to have pain with my feet if I walk on my heels, so I walk on my toes. I found out that my toe-walking is caused by my Achilles tendon flexion, which is common in many people on the autism spectrum and other neurological disorders. This also prevents me from standing more than about 20-ish minutes or so. I will do some research on more about the autism and toe walking in the future.
I may be autistic, but I also have some positive effects that I have. I am really intelligent at drawing, photography, and playing video games, I also am really good at mathematics, health, science, and social studies. I am also well at computers. I myself, would also do really good with special needs people, especially those on the autism spectrum. I want to become a behavioral therapist for special needs children that also specializes in autism treatment. I also want to become an autism advocate, so I can fight for an autistic child's rights, and get them the services they need, to live a long, and rewarding life as an adult. My most favorite movies are Rain Man, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and Silent Fall. I also like to watch documentaries on autism and other disabilities.
MY FIRST CHANCE TO HELP ANOTHER SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD.
Despite my disabilities, my grades in school were anywhere from an B- to straight A's. When I was in the 12th grade, my favorite class was aquatics, which I could take, instead of gym.
Aquatics gave me the opportunity to help children learn how to swim, including those with autism and other special needs. I enjoyed teaching the special needs children how to swim, because I liked how there was some challenges.
One time, I was assigned to a 6th grade, autistic boy, but was told that I would not be able to teach him, because my aquatics teacher thought I did not know anything about his autism, but I got upset and complained to the teacher on why I was not allowed to help him swim, but then the teacher than reassigned him to me, and I did a good job. The boy was about 11 years old, was very verbal, which he spoke really well for being in the middle of the autism spectrum, but was a little difficult to understand at times. The boy had some problems where he did not want to listen to me, when it was time to learn some of the swimming moves. I had made one mistake, when I was teaching him how to kick back, and I did not have him hold on to the edge of the pool, and I accidentally dunked him under the water. I was speechless for a minute when that happened, but when I quickly pulled him up, and asked him if he was okay, the boy said that he was OK, and understood that it was an accident, and that I did not mean it. I then, the next day voluntarily sat out and told the teacher about what happened, that she said to me to get changed an go into the pool, and continue to teach the boy. I taught myself how to be patient with the boy, and understand what he did and didn't want to do. The teacher notice that I was doing a good job, and gave me an A+ for my work with teaching the autistic boy.
That said, I thought that having the chance to work with a special needs person was a good thing, and that it was my therapy for the difficulties for my feet. I had aquatics every other day in school, but decided that I would, instead of going to study hall the days I did not have to go to aquatics, and go to aquatics and go for extra credit.
MY SHUTDOWN DURING MY FIRST SEVERAL DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL
On 11/30/12, at about 2:00 pm, on a lightly, snowy day, I was at a gas station that I'm gonna call "QC Gas Station" in Orange County, New York, when my "maternal parent" started verbally abusing me, over a set of car keys that she lost, and tried to take it out on me, and ended up leaving the gas station, and having to pull into another gas station that I'll call "GS2".
By then, me and my "maternal parent" got out of the car because of her boyfriend had to clean a spill up inside the car, (after he slam his drink and broke the cup and threw soda all over the windshield and dashboard of the car.) When both of us got out, my mother started yelling at me to tell me to get away from her; that's when I told her to put her cigarette out that she was near the gas pumps.
Then I tried to take the cigarette from her, then I tried to knock it out of her hand, and she pushed me first, then I hit her in the chest, then a lady I'll call Joanne Reed witnessed it, and I started to scream and get upset at my mother, and said to Joanne that my mother is "verbally abusive, and mean to me, and she prevents me from getting the help I need." I then started punching things, and GS2's owner came out and tried to calm me down. I explained to him that my mother was mean to me, and wasn't letting me seek help, and I told him that I had under-diagnosed issues that my mother wouldn't let me seek treatment for. Then Joanne and another Guy I will call Tim, tried to calm me down, and gave me some water, and suggested that I go to the hospital (Which my mother overheard, and said "I want him arrested".) The Town police ended up coming, and my mother tried to have me arrested, but the Town police refused, and said to my mother that she's lucky she's not being arrested herself. So they put me in the police cruiser unhand-cuffed, until the EMS came, and the police question me what happened, and Joanne suggested that I should be placed either with another family or in a group home.
When the EMS arrived, they had me walk to their ambulance. When I was walking to the ambulance, I was covering my face and ears, and was trying to remain calm, but was still agitated. The EMS then decided to take me to a hospital that I'll call OR Hospital in Orange County, NY. When I got in the ambulance, I was talking to the EMT's what happened, as the ambulance was taking the 30 minute ride to the hospital's psychiatric unit called 2 East.
When I got there, I was agitated, extremely anxious, and upset, to the point that I just became "out of it". It was approximately somewhere around 2:30 to almost 3 pm, when I arrived in the psychiatric Emergency Room. They nurse came into to my room, and talked to me about the incident, and explained what happened. They gave me some Risperdal and Celexa ( Risperidone and Citalopram to be exact ), and became calm by the time I saw the ER psychiatrist. When the psychiatrist arrive, he had asked me what the date and day of the week was, and I had answered "December 30th, 2012" instead of "November 30, 2012". I was actually disoriented about the time, and date, like I didn't even understand why the psychiatrist was asking me that. He had me write it down. I knew that it was actually December 1st, not November 30th nor December 30th, because it was actually just past 12 midnight when he saw me. Then he asked me where I was, And I answered "The Hospital". He asked me why I was there, but I was also upset at the time. I gave him a piece of paper that had "Joanne's" phone number from the gas station on it. I explained what had happened at the gas station "GS2". He then left the room, and I slept for about 50 minutes before I was shaken awake by a nurse, that explained to me that I was being admitted, and had me change into a hospital gown,( which I don't like wearing over just underwear, because I like to wear at least a pair of pants or shorts, because I wanted privacy), and all I said was "OK". I was then taken upstairs by wheelchair, because they did not want me to walk up. The guy taking me up, asked me why I was in the hospital for, but didn't wanna talk. I was first taken into the psychiatrist's office in 2 East.
One of the unit's weekend psychiatrists came in and talked to me, and knew why I was there. I started sobbing what had happened as to why I was at OR Hospital. Then my nurse came in and gave me papers with hospital rules, and unit rules, and schedules for the days I was gonna be there. Then she showed me to my room, which was a private room, like all the other rooms in the entire hospital, but was big enough to fit at least 3 patients in. From then, I went to bed, with my blanket over my face. The next morning, my nurse knocked on the door, and I uttered when she said it was time for breakfast, and brought me my clean clothes in a bag for me. I went to eat breakfast, and she brought a paper with a menu for my meals for the next day on it, so I filled it out, and give it back to the nurse, and sat down and ate my breakfast. I barely ate anything, and went back to my room, and grabbed by towel, and took a shower, and was crying at the same time.
So over the first several days of my hospital stay, I went from talking to my doctor the night I was admitted, to not wanting to talk to anyone at all. I was pretty much withdrawn, dissociated, and agitated, not making eye contact with anyone, and not even wanting to eat anything. I felt like I was shut down. I was eating so little food for the first several days, that they had to give me some Ensure with my meals.
On the third day, my nurse came into my room, and asked me if I wanted to go to music therapy in the music room. She showed me to the music room, I enter and the music therapist welcomed me. They started music therapy, and the other patients started singing, and after the second song, I said to the therapist that I had to leave. I started feeling extremely anxious, and had to go to a quiet place and went into the occupational therapy room, where people were doing crafts (coloring, painting, ping ponging, using the Wii, etc.). I was just sitting in the chair with my head down with my hands over my head, and one of the therapists asked me if I was "OK", and I started crying, sobbing that "I wish I was never born.", and said that I never had any friends. The therapist asked me if I had Asperger's syndrome. Still upset, I told her that I did not know, but knew what it was. I started become calmer, and apologized to the therapist for being upset. After I was calm, I started talking to the other patients, and the therapists, and told them what had happened. My nurse came in and asked why I was in the OT room, and not in the music room, and I told her that I could not deal with music being played at that time. The music they were playing in the music room felt like it was too loud for me, like as if I was very sensitive to the music.
The nurse and the psychiatrist talked to me after and I explained my history, and the incident that landed me up there. I also asked If I could call my father, although very emotional when I called my dad up. After a couple days, I found out I was moving upstate to go live with my dad. I actually started improving, and my shutdown was pretty much became very minimal, and I started participating in therapy and group activities during my stay. I even started making more eye contact towards the nurses and staff. The hospital even had a therapy dog that came every week I was there ( I was there for 2 full weeks.)
All what I told you in this section of my blog is what a shutdown can do to you, after you have an outburst, whether you end up in a hospital or not. This is what can happen to an autistic person after they have an outburst, whether or not they wind up in a psychiatric ward. Shutdowns can last days, or even weeks, or months. Shutdowns sometimes have to be improved by therapy in order to suppress them.